holding_back_29

When looking back, I remember Christmas being a time of enjoyment, laughter, and family get-togetherness. This year, I was quite disappointed when Christmas Eve rolled around. It didn’t even feel like it was Christmas Eve…it felt like any other day. Even when it came time to opening gifts it was just plain…boring. So I am complaining…I miss those real Christmas days, when it was exciting staying up until 12 am just to open your gifts and wondering what “Santa” brought you. Yes, I miss those days. Now Christmas is just an excuse to see friends and relatives. I still love Christmas…I just wish it was like it used to be.

Anyway, New Years is on its way. I cannot believe that 2005 is almost over! 2005 was a very strange year for me; a very strange year indeed. It was a years with so much drama and so many trial and tribulations.

Well, I don’t have much to say so…I’m off.

Wednesday afternoon was the start of a rather wasted Thanksgiving break. Unlike all the other lazy high schools, we college students had class. Whether or not we showed up was distinctly up to us, of course. Well that’s beside the point.

So Wednesday my dad and I spent the afternoon doing some Thanksgiving shopping and deciding whether my mom wanted the brown skinned potatoes or the red skinned potatoes. After gathering all of the need ingredients we headed back home. My father went back to slaving away in remodeling the bathroom and I spent the afternoon watching TV…or something like that.

So Turkey Day finally made its way and my mom was driving me crazy with cooking this, doing that, cleaning this and hiding that. Now, I was rather excited to have guests for Thanksgiving…but when there’s a little 3 year old girl going on a rampage in my room, moving things around and eating every piece of chocolate she sees...that’ when I draw the line. I love kids don’t get me wrong…but not this kid. To top it all off she sticks her hand in the lamp BEHIND the plant and burns herself just before saying goodbye to everyone. Then night ended with me having little to eat, tired, and annoyed.

The rest of the week was well wasted…very well wasted. I had become a couch potato and the TV had become my best friend. Having enough of re-runs and talk shows I put my running shoes on and went out for a little walk. Nothing special really happened while walking…to my surprise I actually still had a brain to think with. So, I just sorted some stuff in my head and went back inside.

Rest of the week is history. Nothing special happened…boring I know.

*walks out the door*

She sits on her bed in the dark, cradling her head in her hands. I wish…oh how I wish…she thinks to herself. Little by little, the pain is taking over her. She’s tired of pretending everything’s ok; she tired of giving the same excuse…oh I’m just tired…when really she’s breaking apart inside. What happened? Oh that’s right she got shoot straight through the heart...how could she forget?

So many feelings have not been shared. So many secrets have not been told…except for one. She should have kept her mouth shut…instead she had to keep talking…gambling with luck and chance hoping she could get away. Not this time…this time she’s in it deep and there’s no way out.

If only she could…change the point of view. If only chances were taken, and she could prove herself...Oh but what's the use? But could she really handle it? Or would she run away like she normally does. I guess it’s up to her to decide.

*Walks out the door*

In the past two weeks, I find myself being very content. I am not sure as to why I feel this way; it’s not as if I am complaining either. Lately I’ve been feeling complete and happy. I think it’s safe to say that my heart has healed from previous heartaches. I must admit that I did think about them a lot even though I did deny it quite often. Do I regret those heartaches…No, I’m glad they happened. They taught me quite a lot. I must say that at this moment I am in no hurry. Of course there are those occasional glances and secret thoughts, but I think when the time is right…it’ll happen.

Well, I must be boring you with this sappiness, so let us change the subject. Today was a seemingly pleasant day. It was a nice sunny day, with little clouds in the sky. Once in the sun, you could feel the warmth surround you; but in the shade a chill would run down your spine…just to remind you it was still November. After days of rain, you could finally sit outside under the shaded tables and converse with your friends. The topic of the day…well let’s just say it was between friends. Even class was enjoyable, even if some bad news was announced; nothing that cannot be fixed.

Once at home, laziness seemed to emerge from the depths and take over. You would then find yourself sitting on your best friend, (well for most of us) the couch; and conveniently in front of your next best friend, the TV. Within minutes you start to curse at the TV because with so many channels, there just doesn’t seem to be anything worth watching. You find it’s time to bring out the DVDs or VHS’. Good times…good times. Oh, but then you remember that your turtle’s tank needs cleaning, and since you have nothing better to do, you go for it. It’s good for the turtle anyhow. After all is done, you return to your favorite spot on the couch and begin to watch whatever there is to watch on TV; even if it’s a crummy re-run or talk show. The rest is just a blur from the fatigue and lack of food.

So the day ends with this posting and with this quote in mind from the movie “Under the Tuscan Sun”, while eating plump grapes from Costco:
“Fefe always said, ‘Regrets are a waste of time. They're the past crippling you in the present'."

Well that’s all for today

*Walks out the door*

As each day goes by, I find myself indulging in self conversations on the most absurd...topic, if you will. If those around me were to see me they would certainly think poorly of me.

Then again, who doesn't talk to themselves? Although, some of the most famous painter had gone mad, and coincidently also talked to themselves.

Hmmm...Perhaps we are all mad in our own little ways. Everyday we get crazier little by little until we become old and frail. By that time our grandchildren will be telling their friends, “Yea, my grandma talks to her-self all the time…”

Being an only child, I think it is normal to talk to myself. Well, it was either that or talk to the cat…but I seem to already be doing both. I have come to notice that this happens to be a very random topic.

I think I shall stop here before I bore you with my silliness.

Good night.

*Walks out the door*

It was a sad morning in the Rebulard residence today. Dad left for Georgia and won’t be coming back until Friday. Mom is starting to become ill, leaving me in charge of the house. Great...because I'm so the responsible type...*cough*

After my dad left (at 6:00 am) I returned to my room and tried to fall back asleep. Unfortunately all tries were unsuccessful, so I decided to just play with my Nintendo DS. Two hours later, my mom and I began to do house work, and laundry.

After what seemed like hours of slave work, we finally got really and went to the Swap-meet. Lo and Behold, the sadness had so left because that’s when I saw Bob…yes, Bob.

See Bob is now my new turtle. He’s really small, no longer than 3-4 inches. So we bought him a cage and turtle food, and now he sits besides the fish tank, sleeping under a plastic plant. It seems as if it feels safe for him there. I hope he likes his new home. Well other than that I guess that’s it.

Am I missing anything…*thinks*

Nope.

*Walks out the door*

When you come to think about it, first impressions can sometimes be misleading. How many times have we heard the phrase “looks can be deceiving”? Yet we find ourselves ignoring the fact that it’s true. Sometime, at first glance a person may seem unfriendly, but after getting to know them it turns out they’re very friendly. Other times…it can be the opposite. You may think a person is interesting and nice, but then it turns out they are boring and unappealing. Sometimes people you’ve know for a while don’t turn out to be the person you thought you knew. What it all boils down to is…beware of first impressions; they can be very tricky.

Well I guess that's all...

*Walks out the door*